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TALE OF THE TAPE

RG3’s Knee Vs. The Fiscal Cliff: Which Wintertime Disaster Will Screw Washington Longer?

Ok team! A couple pieces of news happened in Washington recently, and for the love of all things holy we can’t understand either one. So today, we’re going to do a comprehensive study of both RG3’s crippling knee injury and the recent Fiscal Cliff deal, and try to see which of the two is set to have a more devastating effect on Washington DC.

RGIII's Knee
The Fiscal Cliff
(credit: Al Bello/Getty Images)
House Speaker John Boehner (R), R-OH, and Rep. Eric Cantor (L), R-VA, walk to a meeting. (credit: MOLLY RILEY/AFP/Getty Images)
(credit: Al Bello/Getty Images)
House Speaker John Boehner (R), R-OH, and Rep. Eric Cantor (L), R-VA, walk to a meeting. (credit: MOLLY RILEY/AFP/Getty Images)
Wait, wait, wait. What happened?!
Winner According to CBSSports.com, "a direct repair" of the lateral collateral ligament and "a re-do of [Griffin's] previous ACL reconstruction."
Winner Per Forbes, “[T]he current 10/15/25/28/33/35% individual tax rate brackets [will revert] to the pre-2001 rates of 15/28/31/36/39.6%."
I see. In English?
Winner The most exciting player in the NFL shredded his leg.
Winner Your taxes are going up something fierce.
AUGH! NO! What!? Why?!
Winner Well, let's be honest. It's the Washington Redskins. They had something like this coming to them sooner or later.
Winner I don't...know. I don't think anyone knows. It was a bunch of people on both sides fighting and now we have a deal that nobody's really happy with, and everyone's paying more money.
WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?!
Winner A lot of people seem to think Mike Shanahan waited a little too long to pull RG3 out of the game.
Winner A lot of people think that John Boehner waited a little too long to...heh...heh heh..."Boehner."
So what are the long term implications?
Winner Long term? RG3 will be fine. He's expected to make a full recovery.
Winner Hell if I know. But it sounds like the deficit will reduce, so...it's better?
And the short term implications?
Winner If RG3's recovery is delayed, you're stuck with the respectable - but severely non-thrilling - Kirk Cousins.
Winner You have less money to drink your face off at Kirk Cousin-led games.

We'll Just Call it a Tie

(credit: Al Bello/Getty Images) House Speaker John Boehner (R), R-OH, and Rep. Eric Cantor (L), R-VA, walk to a meeting. (credit: MOLLY RILEY/AFP/Getty Images)

Nobody. Nobody is the winner. Unless you're a fan of the Giants, Eagles or Cowboys. Otherwise everyone’s poor and bored.

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