TALE OF THE TAPE

Tale Of The Tape: NHL Negotiations Vs. A Bad Date

With the NHL lockout leading to the cancellation of more and more of the hockey season, the negotiations of commissioner Gary Bettman between the players union and team owners are looking less like a labor dispute with sports professionals and more like a bad date with someone your parents introduced you to. Are these contract disputes truly better or worse than your worst dating experience? Let’s take a look at the facts.

NHL Media Availability
123217065
Being Stood Up
Locks you out of your workplace for months with security guards at the ready.
Winner Leaves you drinking water and eating table bread at a restaurant for over an hour before letting you know they can’t make it.
Who's Involved
People who look like your grandfather with way too much make-up on and nothing like someone who had ever picked up a hockey stick.
Winner Someone who looks like your grandfather with way too much make-up on and nothing like that online personal you replied to.
Meeting Point
Winner Undisclosed locations that sound like dingy basements with blood-spattered walls and one fluorescent light bulb in the middle.
A self-help seminar on how to trust people again after your parents put your dog to sleep and tell you he ran away.
Conversations
Winner Talks about money in a way only accountants and financial analysts can understand.
Talks about money in a way only accountants and financial analysts would, as far as they know.
Possible 2nd Date?
Winner Abruptly breaks off talks and doesn’t speak to the other party for a week.
Runs crying from the restaurant and calls you up a week later to tell you, “we should do this again.”
Outsider Perspective
Winner More action and drama than the NHL has had as a sport in years.
Winner Hilarious to everyone involved except the two people on the actual date.

The Winner Is

NHL Media Availability 123217065

After some careful consideration and thoughtful review, its been determined that the NHL Negotiations are worse than a bad date. Why? Because not even a federally appointed mediator can't help fix the problem.

MORE TALES OF THE TAPE

  1. (Photo Credit: Katie Cole/CBS Radio) (Photo by Streeter Lecka/Getty Images)
    Cleveland Sports vs. Atlanta Sports Since 1964

    Clevelanders and Atlantans have both suffered a lot of heartache over their miserable sports teams.

  2. Copyright 2015 NBAE (Photo by Gary Dineen/NBAE via Getty Images) Copyright 1992 NBAE (Photo by Dick Raphael/NBAE via Getty Images)
    Tale of the Tape: 2014-15 Cavaliers vs. 1991–92 Cavaliers

    The 2014-15 Cleveland Cavaliers start their run toward history this weekend with their first playoff appearance in 4 years. With this lineup, the Cavaliers are favored right now to win the NBA Championship with Golden […]

  3. Copyright 1976 NBAE (Photo by Dick Raphael/NBAE via Getty Images) LeBron James
    LeBron James vs. Nate Thurmond – Who Is The Better Akron, Ohio Native?

    2 Cleveland Cavalier greats hail from Akron, Ohio – Nate Thurmond and LeBron James.  Granted they played in different eras – they will more than likely both be in the basketball Hall of Fame when […]

See All Tales of the Tape

Listen Live